I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize