I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
