Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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