You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
