Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
