I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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