Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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