I need help removing her.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
