At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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