If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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