I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
