Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
