The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
