just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
