Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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