A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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