Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The power of my boobs compel you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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