Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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