Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
