I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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