I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize