How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
