Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
