I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
