Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize