What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
