I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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