party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
