what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize