I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
thus making me awesome and them whores
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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