So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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