Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
