how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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