you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
