im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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