You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
