im gay
i know
yea but for you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
