And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
