some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
