i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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