either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
