whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
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I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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