I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
