My liver just broke up with me...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
