drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
