life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
