I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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