if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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