The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
Thatās talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I guess when the asshole said āI really miss you and want to get back togetherā he actually meant āIām banging a Hooters girl behind your back.ā
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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