You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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