he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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