Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
