He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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