can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
