I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
