Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
