I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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