thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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