wrigley field is MILF paradise
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
