can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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