I want to have your abortion
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i think i just lost a toe
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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