Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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