So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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