"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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