I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
